On a desire for stillness...

Reflecting on the journey that has been...and where it seems to be headed

I stumbled my way into art almost a decade ago just as I was losing my sense of identity and purpose in life … it coincided with becoming a stay-at-home-mom, questioning everything I had stood for in terms of feminism, feeling entirely disempowered (financially, mentally, physically) and drowning in self-loathing and self-pity. Art became my sanctuary — my “white hole” if you will.

And I’ve done quite well for myself in the last five years, building a brand around MansiMakes, encouraging and uplifting women shrouded in self-doubt by sharing how I use creative expression as a tool to express my darkest fears, wholeheartedly embrace my imperfections, and re-discover what ignites me.

I’ve launched self-paced courses, built an online community, sold handcrafted products, had my canvas paintings showcased at local restaurants … I can’t boast of having a six-figure business but it’s also because I’ve never approached it as a business.

It’s been a sacred space with an accidental audience.

In a world of reels and shorts, I’ve unwittingly become a content-creator, a people-pleaser, a hustle-chaser.

And as I’ve traveled in the last couple of months with a limited supply of art materials, I’ve realized there is so much more one can do when unencumbered by the self-imposed pressure of creating for someone.

As much as I love leading online workshops, when I create for myself the dynamic is so different.

It’s having the time to explore and play in silence, to lose myself completely in the practice, to see something emerge, to let something go, to feel the struggle every time, to experience the exhilarating feeling of being one with the process … it’s having a moment with myself. A relationship where there is no judgment, no questions, no direction … a relationship with my art that only I understand.

The older I get, the more I crave that kind of stillness.

This is not to say that I want to create in a silo. I treasure my community of fellow creatives — they have been hugely instrumental in helping me reach this point in my journey where I am figuring out what’s next.

For me, it’s never been about traditional milestones like hitting a certain number of followers, making X amount of dollars, or exhibiting my work at prestigious galleries.

I have long derived my sense of purpose from helping others overcome.

I’ve always felt a sense of accomplishment when my encouragement has led a woman to feel empowered enough to say “I’m an artist.”

I revel in knowing that a little bit of nudging can bring our courageous three-year-old-selves to come out and play.

I delight in appreciating people, in letting them know they are valued, in helping them realize they are loved just as they are. Nothing has given me more joy in the last few years than handing out these bucket fillers which I call my “little tokens of love.”

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I want to continue doing all of that but in a way that feels unhurried, more intentional and, most of all, gentler to me. I want to create art for myself. And then hand out my creations to others.

I want to amplify the happiness quotient in this world in a way that honors others but also while protecting the sanctuary that art has been for me.

As I figure out what that stillness looks for me, I’ll share my thoughts here … perhaps, this is an opportunity to rediscover yet another aspect of who I am and who I am becoming.