The Art of Slowing Down

Finding Peace in a Fast-Paced World

Dear fellow traveler on this journey called life,

Remember last week when I shared that moment of my daughter and our puppy, lost in their own world of belly laughter and unbridled joy?

A Moment of Joy

It made me realize how rarely I allow myself to be that present, that free. Note that I am using the word “allow” — it inherently implies granting myself permission … an active verb, in my control.

Why is that an important distinction from saying how rarely I am present and free?

Because it gives me agency.

It tells me that this is something I can give myself more of. It’s not passive. It isn’t something that is locked in to my personality type — “the grumpy ol’ woman who doesn’t know how to have fun.”

No.

It is something I can own. I can change. I can make time for.

I just have to consciously choose to do it.

In our last conversation, we talked about reclaiming our joy and our authentic selves.

Today, I want to invite you to join me in exploring how we can try to do that by embracing the art of slowing down.

There's No Race to Win (We're Not in High School Anymore!)

Let’s start with a fact that’s both freeing and terrifying: there is no competition to beat, no awards to be won, no grades to brag about, no crowns to be worn.

Read that again.

Let it sink in.

We’re not in high school anymore.

There’s no valedictorian title up for grabs, no “Most Likely to Succeed” yearbook superlative. Yet, so many of us are still going about life as if it is one big race to win. And what happens when we don’t?

We surround ourselves with negativity, experience low self-esteem, question our worth, and second-guess who we really are if we aren’t winners.

I don’t want that for any of us! Life is too short to let it become a blur of deadlines, to-do lists, and chasing a mirage of societal expectations we’ll always fall short of.

What if, just for today, we chose to slow down?

What would we notice?

What would we place a little more value on? What would we smile at?

Here are some things I’ve been trying:

• Surrendering myself to a ceremonial cacao ritual three weekday mornings. It’s part-meditative, part-reflective, and entirely grounding. It helps me to be mindful, to be present, to just be.

• Soaking in the sunshine for at least 10 minutes a day, without any device in hand. Just watching the clouds do their thing, listening to the chirping of the birds (occasionally interrupted by the jackhammering at the construction site next door— just being real!), and feeling the slight chill in the air.

• Setting my phone on “Do Not Disturb” after 6:30 p.m. This gives me three hours of uninterrupted time to be with my daughter and our pup. We usually end up cooking a meal together, talking about inane stuff, going for a neighborhood walk and sharing moments of togetherness. It’s amazing how much more connected we feel when a screen isn’t distracting me from what truly matters.

I am finding that these small acts of presence can shift my entire day. They remind me that life isn’t just a constant churn of getting things done.

Here is some more inspiration that I found in my inbox this past week:

The threshold between one season and another, between one moment and the next, between one way of being and the next one: There’s power there. If you can identify the demarcation and pause in it, you can turn your head one way and see where you’ve been, turn the other and see where you’re going. We’re doing so many things and moving so quickly that these moments usually slip by unacknowledged. We don’t realize we were in portal until we’ve already passed through it.

— Melissa Kirsch, The New York Times

And

We are jet lagged in our lives. We move so fast, our souls cannot keep up. We need time. Whether we think we can multitask a million things (we cannot — we only ever do one thing at a time) or as we strive to entertain a million choices (we cannot — choice overload will shut down your brain), the term is human beings. We are neglecting half of our nomenclature, which is being. To be.

—Kate Brennan, More Humor More Humanity

Don’t these words give you pause? Make you want to savor each moment just a little bit more?

So, what does true contentment look like?

Honestly, I do not know the answer.

My husband thinks it’s building a hut on some mountain peak and drinking chai after a long day of harvesting his crop of organically-grown veggies.

My friends think it is a monthly date at the spa getting pampered with facials, massages and mani-pedis.

My daughter thinks it’s reading books all day long without nasty nagging to use the restroom or ingest some food!

Me? I am not so sure … but I do know that happiness is fleeting and there’s only so much a manicure or a shopping spree will do to fill my leaky bucket. I also know I am not one for physical labor or keeping plants alive. And as much as I’d love to curl up next to the fireplace and read until my eyes bled, I have this incessant need to do something with my hands.

So, while I am training my mind and body to appreciate the warmth of the morning sunlight on my face as I sip my cacao … and while I am learning to speak to myself with more kindness and give myself more grace … true contentment to me is coming from my daily practice of making notes of gratitude.

These little tokens of love, appreciation, kindness, encouragement and empathy have been filling my bucket like nothing else.

It started as a whim, but it’s become the most critical part of my day — when I allow myself to get lost, when time doesn’t matter, when I can simply create knowing it’s only for me, but also not for me.

When I hand them out, the hugs, the joy and surprise on the recipients’ faces and the real human connections that are forged in those fleeting moments — it’s an indescribable feeling.

A lot of people collect things — mementos from their travels, paint chips, concert tickets, stamps, handmade paper, antique photos…

I collect smiles.

Isn’t that smile just priceless?

These, I am learning, are the building blocks of my contented life. They don’t cost anything, but their value is immeasurable.

A Gentle Reminder

So, as you head on with your fast-paced life, I’m gently reminding you to find ways to slow down … to give yourself permission to be.

Notice the details on a maple leaf; listen closely to the sound of a bee as it traverses expertly through a lavender bush; look up at the sky; be present in your interactions with your family and friends; marvel at how far you’ve come; eat slower; put that phone down for an hour; appreciate your hands, your body, your self; be kind to others, but most especially to yourself.

And if you want to play, I have an invitation for you to enjoy this tutorial I recently shared with members of my community (free for them as a perk of the monthly membership but at a nominal price for you).

Remember, there’s no right way to do this. We’re all figuring it out as we go along.

But maybe, just maybe, by slowing down and being present, we’ll discover that we’ve been exactly where we need to be all along.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. How do you slow down in your daily life?

What brings you true contentment?

Have you ever tried giving little tokens of love to strangers?

Share in the comments or send me a message.

With love and encouragement for a more mindful sloth-like life,

Mansi.